#I KOVE YOU YOU INFURIATING MAN

[glossolali]

Liam's “I’m just staring at Ashton's literally rock hard abs”

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Karate Kid Part III (1989)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

The strength of the Karate Kid series lies in its emotional power. You could probably predict how the first one might end but you were so invested in the relationship between Daniel and Mr. Miyagi (Ralph Macchio and Noriyuki “Pat” Morita) that you forgot about all the times you’d seen the story before. Everything that rang true, that was effective in the first film (and the sequel to a certain extent) is present in this third chapter… but none of it works. Cartoonish villains, characters who’ve regressed and a repetitive plot make The Karate Kid Part III feel like a cash grab and nothing else.

Having lost his students and dojo, John Kreese (Martin Kove) visits his best friend, Terry Silver Thomas (Ian Griffith) to tell him he’s giving up on Cobra Kai. Instead, of moving on, however, he and Terry decide to partake in an elaborate revenge scheme. Posing as a new friend and teacher for Daniel, Terry will infiltrate his life so he can tear the boy and his beloved teacher apart.

I’m not sure if Ian Griffith is the best or the worst thing about this movie. One of his first scenes has him chomping on a gargantuan cigar in a hot tub, giving notes to his secretary about how he’s going to hide all of these mega-pollutants from the authorities. Combined with his ponytail, eagerness to jump on the revenge bandwagon and easily-revealed colours, you expect him to be facing off against Captain Planet, not some teenager and an old man trying to make a living selling bonsai trees. He’s ten times as maniacal as any of the bad guys we’ve seen in this series and less subtle than Emperor Palpatine.

On his own, Terry might’ve made the film unintentionally hilarious if it weren’t for Daniel. You’d think that by now the boy would understand a thing or two about Miyagi, that he’d respect him. No. At every instance, Daniel questions Miyagi’s tried-and-true methods, goes against his wishes or tries to do something sneaky behind his back. What’s infuriating is that you know exactly how it will play out. The movie holds no surprises whatsoever. In fact, it choreographs itself in ways that would be clever if they weren’t so transparent. For example, the film begins - once again - by informing us that the relationship we spent the previous movie developing has dissolved. Kumiko is briefly mentioned but never appears. She’s been replaced by Jessica Andrews (Robyn Lively) who quickly informs Daniel that she’ll be moving away in two months. At least the screenplay has learned SOMETHING from these movies. It establishes a way for her not to appear in any subsequent sequels!

Writer Robert Mark Kamen (who didn’t like this premise but whose alternative was even worse) does the bare minimum and director John G. Avildsen does not attempt to turn this pile of straw into gold. The villain’s plan involves sending his cronies to commit vandalism, theft, and attempted murder but the police are briefly mentioned once and then never again. This plot isn’t concerned with what would actually happen. It’s just going through the motions so we can get to the tournament at the end of the movie and watch Daniel beat the odds AGAIN. The Karate Kid Part III isn’t merely a disappointment, it’s a waste of time. (March 10, 2022)